The path to the family you want to have is paved with celebrations and wins. That is true even if you are currently screaming at your kids while their behavior seems to spin more and more out of control. This tip is for you if you are tired of being miserable, and ready for a lighter AND more effective way.
It is ironic that the harder things are going for us, the more important it is to find some wins to celebrate. Human nature seems to often get mired in what isn’t working. The fact is our brains…read more
What do you call a group of all women heros? Why Sheros of course!
You are a shero. The sooner you embrace this fact, the sooner your stress will reduce. You’ll have more confidence in yourself, and give yourself more of the credit for the massive undertaking this journey we call parenting, is nowadays.
I came up with this saying because of my coaching work. I saw mom after mom, battling with guilt, overwhelm and thinking she was a bad mom. Yet I saw clearly that…read more
With the New Year approaching, it’s natural to contemplate what we want for our families. For most of us, there are areas of our lives that if we made changes, would make our lives much happier, more productive and/or more successful. Yet for so many of us, even contemplating change is painful because of our history of failure.
Millions have used The Serenity Prayer to guide them at key junctures. Although it contains some very useful and helpful advice…read more
Let me tell you a story about my sometimes troubled relationship with providing meals for my family. Even though I know how important it is, I still have full on resistance sometimes to making meals! I fantasize about ways to get around it!
Which is why I am very grateful for the knowledge I have that makes me able to mix my feelings and make special and regular meals happen anyways! Meals matter, and for much more than just the nutrition that is…read more
One of the biggest issues that you want help with, I know, is sibling rivalry. Nothing can take a peaceful family moment and ruin it quite as quickly as children who suddenly erupt into a fight. Few things wear us down more than the endless squabbling and arguing that kids can do.
What I’m going to share with you today comes from the work of my mentor, developmental psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld. He is one of the foremost experts on the planet and his book…read more
This blog post is part of the series on consequences. While I warn against the overuse of consequences, that does not mean that parenting without limits is a good thing at all. Children need structure and limits that are set firmly and lovingly.
For many of us, setting limits is uncomfortable. Parents often feel like imposing a limit is being mean, when in fact limits are a kindness. Children who are raised with loving limits are much better adjusted and much more successful in…read more
In my previous weekly tips, I didn’t mention one of the biggest issues with using consequences to teach children.
Before a plant becomes visible to the human eye, it is first a tiny, dormant seed. With the right conditions, that seed starts to grow. With more nurturing, that seed grows and grows until it becomes the full-fledged plant that it was destined to be.
When you or your children want to make a change, that desire, or intention is the equivalent of a plant seed. You need to nurture the desire…read more
This is one of the most asked-about and confusing topics for parents. That’s why I’ve made this a three part series. I went into the overall concept of consequences in Part One. Now in Part Two, I will make an important distinction; natural versus logical consequences. Then I will follow this up with Part Three where I go deeper into why consequences are such a risky tool to use, even though they can work, and well, especially in the short-term.
Many parenting educators teach consequences as one of the main tools in your parenting toolbox. Others see the harm that often is done by…read more
One of the things I’m asked most about by parents is about consequences. Some parents bring up the subject almost defensively, and they want to explain to me how consequences actually work in their family. Other families are clear that they don’t want to use consequences, but they end up throwing them out from sheer desperation, as their kids aren’t listening to them until they scream or start listing off consequences.
So right off, I want to say something that may surprise you.
Consequences do work.
So why then do I not recommend them?read more
Most parents are way more conscious and sensitive than ever before. For example, we aren’t near as likely to bark out orders to our children and disregard their feelings. And old parenting defaults such as children being expected to be seen but not heard have fallen out of favor.
However, in becoming gentler, more conscious parents, we have often lost our way in one of our pivotal roles, that of our child’s most important leader.
Imagine you are in an altercation with someone in a public place that…read more